So I'm at the gym and I'm reading this article called "cups of men." And I'm so excited because finally I found someone that can relate to the awful 'coffee dates' and meeting people online, and I laughed out loud at the gym and was so tickled to have meet someone on paper that could see me, could see the pain and the joy and the 'not so funny' moments of coffee with strangers. I'm not alone, there are other fabulous single people like me, trying to find that guy that can be more then just coffee, he can be 'brunch' and 'dinner' and a fabulous addition to your already wonderful life.
This sounds so much like me, except I don't drink coffee, I drink tea. And my patience is starting to run very thin with finding and meeting people online. Why is it so hard? I'm at a place in life, where I'm happy with the people I work with, I'm happy with my weight, I'm happy being by myself. I seem to be at the 'perfect space' in life to meet that other person.
Could my expectations be to high? Is asking for a tall guy, that doesn't mind me being a smoker, loves his family and is easy to carry on a conversation with to much to ask? I read somewhere to list out 100 qualities in a man, if you put it on paper, then you can see what your looking for and it makes the process easier. I made it to #79. Its harder then it sounds. Try it!
In the last year, I have gotten out of my comfort zone, done things that I've always wanted to try. I found this great site called http://www.meetup.com/ where you can put in your interests and get together with local people in your area to do an activity together. The problem with these groups called "cheers" and "singles in Chandler" is that they are an older crowd. I'm at the age where being at a bar reminds me how old I am and hanging out with people from an 'online meetup site' reminds me how young I am. Its a balancing act really.
As my friend at work says, "there's not that many shopping days until Christmas." LOL, I feel like I have been "shopping for years now." The good news is.. I had an opportunity to stay in my last relationship and not be happy or choose the fork in the road of 'freedom' and 'independance' and find myself again. I choose the unknown road.. which leads me to drinking lots of cups of tea trying to find a 'connection' with someone.
Sometimes, its comical to talk about it with friends, it helps if your at happy hour drinking. Because it really is sad how people lie and think they can trick you when you meet them. While reading the article in the gym, I realized that I was not alone.. Here's a recap of my history:
*meet someone on match.com (a mighty fee) who showed up 30 years older then his profile picture, walked in and I thought.. "please don't be him, please don't be him." He could be my Uncle.. of course it was him.. He asked if I wanted a sugar daddy.. Uhm NO I said and left. See I was planning my escape route out but decided.. FUCK THAT, he lied and I'm leaving, so I did just that. I said.. Your not who you said you were, have a nice life..
*meet someone on POF (plenty of fish a free site) where I got emotionally attached because we talked on the phone for endless hours.. seemed to get a long great on the phone, but when he showed up at the coffee place, he neglected to mention that he was handicap. I know.. imagine my suprise! All that time on the phone and he neglected to mention the small fact that he had a disability.. which maybe if I was prepared for it.. I could have ignored the white elephant in the room, but he blind sided me.
*was supposed to meet someone on POF but he forgot about our date, that was charming...he was "passive agressive" since he seemed more interested in me after I told him I was no longer interested in meeting him after he stood me up, crazy.
*someone else on POF.. was yelling at me telling me to find the meeting place, that didn't last long enough for me to see his charming face.
*meet someone on POF, he showed up, we had chemistry or so I thought, he said that he would call, he never did.
*So many guys on line hide behind the computer, its like be a man and show up. No chitty chat.
So you can see where I have become a little aggressive with my search. I have rules now.. no talking on the phone until we meet, no texting either, a couple of emails back and forth maybe 2 or 3 at the most and then the 'meeting.' I refuse to call it 'dating' because, its really a meeting to see if you are who you said that you were and if we have any chemistry or anything in common.
Here's in insert from that article.. this is how I feel:
I feel forensic. I feel I should be getting paid, because this feels hard, like a job, all these coffees. And I have to get specifically dressed for it and leave the house.
Some people think I’m trying too hard. “Stop trying and then it will happen!” “When you give up, that is when it will happen.” They have also suggested my standards to too (high), you want someone taller, that has a job, and a car and keep a conversation? Are you crazy!
Another insert (I love this author- Heather Sellers)
Sometimes I feel like a priest, hearing these men confess their lives and wives. Sometimes I feel like an officer of something, like the town of single people. Sometimes I feel like an ambulance chaser, gaping at their stories.
All the coffees have pulled me into human presence, out of myself. The coffees are like Empathy Boot Camp. The coffees remind me of short stories I can’t stop thinking about. I have heard 31 stories of actual lives; lived bundled, misrepresented, frayed, lit by moments of luck or beauty. Lives a lot like my own life. Raw like this, pitched toward me, hope, unclenched. I have mostly wanted to run away. I do not even drink coffee, I drink water.
So I end this.. letting you know that I am determined to have 100 cups of tea until I find that person that "gets me." Since I lost track at this point.. I'm going to start my counting with 15 because I'm sure I have had at least 15 cups of tea...it feels like 100 but its not. My attitude is to try, try, try again. I have my rules.. I have my dignity, I have my list of qualities, I have my humor, I have my family, I have Louise Hay's positive affirmations, I have patience (somewhere but I will find it) I have my friends at HH that can put life into perspective, I have this need to prove my online experience this far as un-real. There has to be people out there just like me, who are normal and can function normally and who are just as determined as I am to meet me for a cup of tea.
Stay tunned...
