Dear Handsome Neighbors,

I’m starting to blog about my obsession to ‘yours truly.’ Mainly because most people I share this ‘long story’ with ask me to blog about it. My hairdresser, my massage therapist, my family, my happy hour friends… the list goes on..

Once upon a time, I went on vacation and came back to find that the neighbors below me moved in and were gorgeous behind words. Their were two of them, men from Ohio. Nice cars, BMW and another snazzy vehicle with Ohio license plates. I could not/ can not tell for the life of me whether they are gay (2 male roommates) or just best friends from Ohio..

Unfortunately I never run into these lads, we must have opposite schedules. Sometimes, it’s nice to have “eye candy” to crush on to get through the day or week, something to look forward to and entertain your bedtime thoughts.

I took my inquiry to work with me one day and asked my friends out at the fountain for their intake. In summary I knew these facts about them:

*Their license plates were from Ohio
*They have a BMW and another fancy car
*They traveled in pairs
*They look like they work out (muscles and all)
*I rarely see women with them
*They had movers move them in literally
*They have parties and don’t invite me (house music and all)
*Approx my age, one is my age, the other I called “College boy” or “frat boy”

My friends were torn; my gay friends told me they were BOTH gay, which of course immediately crushed my bedtime dreams of what I had planed. But then I thought, I love my gay friends, this is good, I can take the pressure off that they are overly good looking, on a scale from 1-10, I would like to say there are an 11 individually. The pressure was off for me to immediately blush within eye site of them. I liked my “theory” that they were gay this meant that I could be there new “best-friend” with or without benefits. (Sorry but the dream was just too damn juicy).

I have had dreams of going to their dinner party, where their walls were painted, their furniture from right out of a fashion magazine. I have day dreams about these people, that I never see but when I do, my heart stops. Part of me wonders "drug dealers?" Gay swinger parties? Are they shy like me or do they not want me to know their secret life?? What's the deal-o?

Once I mustered up the courage to go to Trader Joe's and get a bottle of wine and bring it down to them as a "house warming gift" before to much time escaped me. On a quick walk with my dog I noticed a girl hugging the guy I have the HUGEST crush on, from a distance it looked like a kiss. So, my balloon was deflated, and then I thought, good.. now we can be best friends like my other gay friends whom I love and adore and wouldn't trade for the world.

INSERT: timing does not seem to be on my side.

So months passed, then it was around the holidays (Thanksgiving to be exact) and my sister happened to be over one night, we were "netflixing it" and some stranger was pounding on my door (another story for later/maybe). This stranger/danger made me realize that I don't know my neighbors AT all. My sister is moving to New York before the end of the year, and she said that its "high time" for me to meet all my neighbors including the handsome dudes below.

My protective/younger, did I mention “brilliant” sister comes up with a plan to bring/bake my neighbors “Whoopie cookies” and ask about the ‘crazy man’ the night before. I love this idea, the holidays are coming up, I need to take surveys and find out if Mr. Crazy has disturbed anyone else or randomly targeted my door and I also have been dying to meet my sexy neighbors below me.

“Sister” makes the cookies; we “practice” what I’m going to say to them when they open the door, all the while whispering since they live below me.
**(Insert: not my proudest moment)**
All of a sudden, I’m 5 years old, twirling my hair and I have a baby voice... my sister, is like; no you can’t do that, “don’t slouch, stand up straight, don’t forget to smile.” My nerves are shot, back in the kitchen for another shot of Malibu. Is this really happening? Why do people love the “honey moon stage” when I just want to throw up and I turn into a 5 year old pretty child?

So Marley on leash, winter jackets and all, we made our way around and meet some neighbors. I didn't think the guys below me were home because I knew their cars were not in there spots which all of a sudden, seemed really over-whelming that i knew all of these things that I shouldn't know about my neighbor because I'm a secret agent, lol and I like to keep a "watch on the neighbors" if you will.. (insert bow)

KNOCK KNOCK.. the door opens... (I'm giggling with the shear memory of this act, a performance if you will) this guy opens the door for us girls (which later I marvel at how guys will open doors for two strangers that happen to be girls with a dog) I think sister starts talking, bless her heart.

Sister: we’re your neighbors, my sister lives above you.

Stranger: smiles, Hi I'm Adam

Sister: Did you guys have someone knock on your door last night around 9pm and say that he had a striper Gram for you?

Adam: Uhm, smiles no.. some guy was knocking but we didn't open it

(Insert- stranger on the couch in sexy man pose)

Stranger from couch- listens....

Sister: Yeah, well he wouldn't go away so we called the local police and I don't think they found him because we haven't heard back.

Adam: Would you guys like to come in?

**********The clouds in the sky part***********
We enter, with the dog Marley....

NOTE: the condo is not anything like I've pictured in my dreams, their walls are white (granted my mom and other sister painted my walls, but there no longer white. They have no kitchen table (granted I don't either, small smile that we have this in common) They have: a white couch, which is a sectional, a huge screen TV and no art hanging from their walls. I'm a little disappointed, but think.. "could it be their straight after all??"

Me: (my moment to shine)
****
“Ever since crazy guy wouldn’t go away, it made me realize that I don’t know my neighbors at all, and it was high time I got out of my comfort zone and met those around me in case of an emergency.

Sexy man on couch: gets up, walks over to the counter, would you like our #, in case you need anything? My heart stops, Jon the guy I have been lusting over for months just asked if I would like his #. So of course I can't find my voice...

Sister: yes please, she will take your #.

Me: (I find my voice at the worst times).. turn to Adam, did you hear someone calling your name from the patio last night?

Adam: Uhm no..

Me: That was me, calling out "Neighbors...Neighbors"

Insert.. because their from Ohio, they have their sliding glass door open when I have the heater on.. so I thought, they might be able to hear me...

Adam: Big smile... next time we will have to do what we did in college and have the cups with the strings and call up to each other.

Sister: Well since its the holidays we made some Whoopie cookies.. enjoy..

Exit...............

We get back up to my condo, shut all the doors and do a silent happy dance around the floor with the dog.. Mission accomplished.. because they will have to return the Tupperware right??

WRONG.. they never do.. and I go back to never seeing these people again. I hear them come home at 1am in the morning, sometimes I hear their house parties, but I never ever see these gorgeous men..

PS… I’m dying to find out about you sexy neighbors from below..

Until next time,
Your sincere (slightly obsessed) neighbor above…